Useless Skills

There comes a time for every traveller when you start priding yourself on a skill recently attained while on the road. Most of these skills don't apply to regular everyday life (like saving friends from being traded for camels) while some are completely and utterly useless (like my ability perfected while in SE Asia to text while on the back of a moving motorcycle). But I never really thought I would be proud of my ability to use a squat, let alone a hole-in-the-ground-outhouse-with-no-light-squat. But when you have little else to do in rural Africa there is ample time to perfect your useless skills. And so it began. Soon I become rather proud of my newly acquired gift to squat without bracing myself against a wall/door/goat/anything within reach, my uncanny ability to aim without peeing on my own feet and of course my ability to then stand unassissted afterwards without falling or stepping in to said hole. Ah yes, I was quite proud of myself, but alas as every childhood story with a good moral will tell you, don't get too cocky and try your new skill in the dark, because you may or may not accidentally poop beside, rather than in, said hole. And well, as you can imagine, that's embarrassing for everyone involved.

teaching in the land of hockey and beer: Czech Republic

The Czech Republic is essentially the polar opposite of Indonesia:

The language is extremely difficult, hockey prevails over football, there are 4 distinct seasons (though I could quite happily do without the arctic style winter),  they are the second least religious country in Europe with just over 19% claiming to follow a religion on the 2011 census, the population of the entire country is less than that of Jakarta, the air is clean, litter is sparse and pork graces every menu. In short, I couldn't have found a more opposite country if I had tried.

I live in Liberec, a small city of around 100,000 situated about an hour north of Prague at the base of a small mountain range. My main goal in finding my next home after Indonesia was to be surrounded by the colour green, and not just in packaging floating down the river but in the form of trees and grass, to be surrounded by air that wasn't doing permanent damage to my respiratory system. (When I came home from Jakarta one of my best friends asked me 'So...is this your voice now?' I honestly hadn't noticed a difference but the general consensus seemed to be that I now had a rather unhealthy rasp.) So you can imagine my delight at ending up here surrounded by forest, mountains and a nice little reservoir where you can drink beers in the sun.

Everything that I longed for while in Indonesia was nestled here in a quaint little country with some questionable traditions. And luckily for me, unlike most European countries the Czech Republic doesn't require you to be EU to work here. So through the process of elimination they quickly raced to the top of the list of possible destinations.

It wasn't hard to fall in love with the Czech Republic what with it's medieval towns and picturesque landscape, Czechs on the other hand take their time. The main difference between Indonesia and Czech Republic is the people. Indonesians made you love them straight away with bright smiles and gentle gestures, Czechs on the other hand want you to win them over, they're not going to like you just because you're there, they need convincing that you are in fact a likable person, but once convinced they are some of the loveliest most generous people you will have the pleasure of meeting. So don't bother feeling dejected if your service doesn't come with a smile, no ones does.

Teaching contracts here usually run for a regular school year (September to June) and the monthly wage is around $1000 depending on who you work for. Unlike (most of) Asia, here your accommodation is not included (I share a flat with 2 American girls and we each pay around $200/mth including bills - the first year I was here the company I am working for helped me organize my accomdation, the second year my co-worker/friend, Petra, helped me find a new flat), grocery bills are usually around $20/week and eating out tends to be between $5-10 (depending on whether it's lunch or dinner since most restaurants have a cheaper lunch menu), beer is legitimately cheaper than water - and runs at about $1.25 at restaurants and $0.50 at the shop I can count on one hand the amount of times I have not ordered beer with my meal since I moved here.

A main selling point for me was the fact that Liberec has a Czech Extraliga (ELH) hockey team, which living up to my national stereotype was important for me after a year and a half in South East Asia where hockey plays a non-existent role. Not only is it quality hockey here but going to a game usually costs around $15 (including a delicious klobása, 3 beers and a ticket about 6 rows from the ice), that kind of price would buy you a six pack and an evening on your couch at home.

I am quickly approaching my departure date and with only 8 weeks left here I can genuinely say I am going to miss it. A. LOT. I have made some amazing friends here and in July will be celebrating one of my best friend's weddings, which will be bittersweet since it will also mark the end of my time here. I have been inside a church decorated with bones (Kostnice Sedlec), seen a ridiculous amount of live hockey, walked through some of the most impressive rock formations I have ever laid eyes on (Adršpach-Teplice Skály) starred in a dubious maternity photo shoot, done wine tours in Moravia and will spend next weekend at a beer spa where you legitimately bathe in beer while drinking beer, and that's only to name a few of the amazing things I have done/experienced here. When I came to Europe for the first time in 2003 I left having fallen in love with the Czech Republic, little to my knowledge 8 years later I would move here and fall in love with it all over again.



 Photos from top to bottom: looking out over the Prague Christmas Markets from the Old Town Hall Tower, a view of Prague, the reservoir in Liberec, 'The Mayor and his Wife' at Adršpach-Teplice Skály, the lake at Adršpach-Teplice Skály and Kostnice Sedlec (Sedlec Ossuary) in Kutna Horá

Stolen TP and Dinner

There is no food and no toilet paper in our house.

Well, there's a stick of salami, about 2 tbsp of butter and a litre of milk in the fridge and our pantry is stacked with canned goods that we can't open because we don't actually own a can opener. So essentially there is no food in the house.

Top that off with the fact that between Laura and I we have a combined total of 19Kc (approx. $1) and there isn't much that can be done to help our failing situation.

Thankfully we were spared eating buttered salami when Laura opened a package from her sister that included 2 boxes of KD (known to Americans as Kraft Mac & Cheese). Between that and chocolate we have left over from Christmas we should make it through the next couple of days on a rather unbalanced diet.

I am so exhausted from travelling yesterday that I may be too lazy to even cook KD. I am currently scheming how I can trick Laura in to doing it, though that is looking unlikely and I am not even motivated enough to put much effort in to my plan, I suppose the scheme is more just wait until she gets hungry enough that she offers to cook, not much of a scheme really...and it's quite possible that she is contemplating the same thing.

I have only had 8 hours of sleep in the last 42 hours. I left Victoria in the afternoon of the 1st but because of the time difference (9 hrs) and the fact that it took 22.5 hours to get here, I didn't arrive back to my house until nearly 9pm on the 2nd. I suffer from a complete and utter inability to fall asleep on flights unless drugged, but the last time I did that I stole the blanket off the guy in the seat beside me and have cuddled strangers more than once. So to avoid that uncomfortable situation I just stay awake.

Even if I could sleep on flights I never would have been able to since I was sitting beside a guy with toilet breath who slept with his mouth open, breathing rancid air in to the small area I occupied between him and the window, when he wasn't sleeping he had the charming habit of reading over my shoulder while I directed uncharitable thoughts at him. By the third flight I was so tired I was nauseous.

It was after this and an additional 2 buses, a metro and a tram ride that I encountered Grandma, the old woman who lives downstairs, on the steps outside our door. As far as I could tell from her broken English and my broken Czech along with hand gestures and noises, there was some sort of old face in or on Whitney's radiator. She also partially acted out a story about one of the cats jumping off the top of the fridge on to her head and something about a radiator that the cats turned on with a coconut? She finished by handing me some homemade Christmas cookies with a smile and a wave and returned downstairs leaving me alone and completely bewildered.

It's during these exchanges that I wish I had put more of an effort in to learning Czech, though I am still not sure I would have been able to follow that conversation.

Our radiators seem to be fine as far as I can tell, which isn't saying much since I am not very technical, essentially this reads, I poked the radiator and it was warm, so it works, but I remain wary of the potential radiator ghost.

I also had a stern talking to with the cats about turning on the radiators and playing with coconuts and now it would seem our only remaining dilemma is the toilet paper, which will be dealt with tomorrow by us all participating in petty crime through TP theft from various bathroom stalls. A glamorous life I lead, I know.