bathing in beer

As soon as I found out that a beer spa was a real thing I knew I had to experience it. Combining two of my favourite things could only result in general epicness, besides, where else in the world can you bathe in beer and call it a spa treatment? Well, actually it turns out a few places including Germany and Austria, but it originated in Chodová Planá at the family run Chodovar Brewery and so we set off to experience the original "Beer Wellness Land" and that's got to count for something, right?

Of course it only makes sense that the country that consumes more beer per capita than any other country in the world, would invent the beer spa where you are first submerged in a combination of 'dark bathing beer', mineral water, crushed herbs, hops and active beer yeast for 20 minutes before being taken in to a separate room to be swaddled. Legit. They swaddle you like an oversized infant. And it's amazing.

Chodovar Brewery is situated close to the German border about 2 hours outside of Prague or an hour outside of Karlovy Vary, which is where we left from. If you do go, print directions first because the signs are ambiguous at best, we literally saw a billboard for the spa that cryptically described it as being 'only 9km from here' on both sides, giving you a 9km radius of the billboard to choose from and sending us 9km in the wrong direction rendering us late for our original appointment and forced to reschedule for the following morning. Thankfully the trip wasn't totally fruitless because aside from housing the first beer spa in the world they also have an impressive cave restaurant 'Ve Skále' (which literally translates to 'in the rock') built in 800 year-old granite cellars, where we were able to pass a couple hours dining on delicious Czech food and drinking their equally delectable beers. The remainder of the afternoon was spent exploring the spa town Mariánské Lázně (10 minutes from Chodová Planá) with it's beautiful colonnades, singing fountain and enjoying beers in the park before heading back to Karlovy Vary for a BBQ with friends.


Thankfully we arrived on time the following morning and found ourselves being directed down a staircase to a set of cellars, where we were told to ring a bell outside a heavy wooden door and wait to be granted permission to enter. I honestly wouldn't have been shocked had the door opened to reveal an elderly cloaked man holding a torch in a dimly lit corridor, and was a bit disappointed when the door opened to reveal a very normal man in very normal spa technician clothes, the only thing that differed from a normal spa was that the scents of jasmine and lavender had been replaced with that of 'a freshly brewed dark beer'. He quickly handed us towels that were more along the line of tablecloths then towels and directed us to a changeroom where we were to shed our clothes and return donning tablecloth-togas.

From there the woman we referred to as our 'beer mum' took over, guiding us to our separate baths in a communal room where she then individually removed our towels and lent us a hand to climb in to the rather slippery tubs before then returning with cold glasses of beers for us. I suppose the beers are to ensure we didn't try drinking the bath water, which of course we did purely out of curiousity and frankly it tasted a bit metallic (likely due to the unsavoury mineral water and metal bathtubs). It was somewhat surreal to be in an old stone cellar with 3 of my friends sitting around in our own individual baths sipping beers while submerged in unfermented beer. I think we more or less giggled the entire time we were there. After 20 minutes our beer mum returned, urging us to finish our beers and helping us one at a time out of the baths and back in to our towels. She then left us to replenish our glasses while our 'beer dad' took us in to a dimly lit room lined with loungers that we were instructed to lay face up on (which as I am writing this realize how dodgy that sounds, but I assure you there was nothing sinister about this room), from there he went to us one by one swaddling us in large fleece blankets and asking us if we were comfortable, we half expected him to lean in to kiss our foreheads and then read us Goodnight Moon, which would have been a nice touch.

For the next 20 minutes we alternated between short naps and sneaking out of bed to take pictures of us rolled up like a bunch of sausage rolls. When our 20 minutes were up our beer dad came back to unswaddle us which wasn't really necessary since we had made such a disaster of the blankets with our beer drinking and photo taking. We were instructed back in to the changeroom to re-dress and emerged feeling rejuvenated and healthy and softer plus I felt substantially less hungover after the process, which seems counterintuitive since the entire experience revolved around alcohol but hair of the dog I suppose.

All in all I highly recommend czeching it out and when you're finished hitting up the cave restaurant for a hearty meal. And since the treatment (including your beers) only comes out to 660Kc ($33US) you'd be hard pressed to come up with a reason why not to.

teaching in the land of hockey and beer: Czech Republic

The Czech Republic is essentially the polar opposite of Indonesia:

The language is extremely difficult, hockey prevails over football, there are 4 distinct seasons (though I could quite happily do without the arctic style winter),  they are the second least religious country in Europe with just over 19% claiming to follow a religion on the 2011 census, the population of the entire country is less than that of Jakarta, the air is clean, litter is sparse and pork graces every menu. In short, I couldn't have found a more opposite country if I had tried.

I live in Liberec, a small city of around 100,000 situated about an hour north of Prague at the base of a small mountain range. My main goal in finding my next home after Indonesia was to be surrounded by the colour green, and not just in packaging floating down the river but in the form of trees and grass, to be surrounded by air that wasn't doing permanent damage to my respiratory system. (When I came home from Jakarta one of my best friends asked me 'So...is this your voice now?' I honestly hadn't noticed a difference but the general consensus seemed to be that I now had a rather unhealthy rasp.) So you can imagine my delight at ending up here surrounded by forest, mountains and a nice little reservoir where you can drink beers in the sun.

Everything that I longed for while in Indonesia was nestled here in a quaint little country with some questionable traditions. And luckily for me, unlike most European countries the Czech Republic doesn't require you to be EU to work here. So through the process of elimination they quickly raced to the top of the list of possible destinations.

It wasn't hard to fall in love with the Czech Republic what with it's medieval towns and picturesque landscape, Czechs on the other hand take their time. The main difference between Indonesia and Czech Republic is the people. Indonesians made you love them straight away with bright smiles and gentle gestures, Czechs on the other hand want you to win them over, they're not going to like you just because you're there, they need convincing that you are in fact a likable person, but once convinced they are some of the loveliest most generous people you will have the pleasure of meeting. So don't bother feeling dejected if your service doesn't come with a smile, no ones does.

Teaching contracts here usually run for a regular school year (September to June) and the monthly wage is around $1000 depending on who you work for. Unlike (most of) Asia, here your accommodation is not included (I share a flat with 2 American girls and we each pay around $200/mth including bills - the first year I was here the company I am working for helped me organize my accomdation, the second year my co-worker/friend, Petra, helped me find a new flat), grocery bills are usually around $20/week and eating out tends to be between $5-10 (depending on whether it's lunch or dinner since most restaurants have a cheaper lunch menu), beer is legitimately cheaper than water - and runs at about $1.25 at restaurants and $0.50 at the shop I can count on one hand the amount of times I have not ordered beer with my meal since I moved here.

A main selling point for me was the fact that Liberec has a Czech Extraliga (ELH) hockey team, which living up to my national stereotype was important for me after a year and a half in South East Asia where hockey plays a non-existent role. Not only is it quality hockey here but going to a game usually costs around $15 (including a delicious klobása, 3 beers and a ticket about 6 rows from the ice), that kind of price would buy you a six pack and an evening on your couch at home.

I am quickly approaching my departure date and with only 8 weeks left here I can genuinely say I am going to miss it. A. LOT. I have made some amazing friends here and in July will be celebrating one of my best friend's weddings, which will be bittersweet since it will also mark the end of my time here. I have been inside a church decorated with bones (Kostnice Sedlec), seen a ridiculous amount of live hockey, walked through some of the most impressive rock formations I have ever laid eyes on (Adršpach-Teplice Skály) starred in a dubious maternity photo shoot, done wine tours in Moravia and will spend next weekend at a beer spa where you legitimately bathe in beer while drinking beer, and that's only to name a few of the amazing things I have done/experienced here. When I came to Europe for the first time in 2003 I left having fallen in love with the Czech Republic, little to my knowledge 8 years later I would move here and fall in love with it all over again.



 Photos from top to bottom: looking out over the Prague Christmas Markets from the Old Town Hall Tower, a view of Prague, the reservoir in Liberec, 'The Mayor and his Wife' at Adršpach-Teplice Skály, the lake at Adršpach-Teplice Skály and Kostnice Sedlec (Sedlec Ossuary) in Kutna Horá

a little bit of independence

Every now and again when you are abroad and feeling a bit nostalgic you find something that feels a bit like home.

In Indonesia I found it in an air conditioned coffee shop while it was raining, I turned to my friend and said 'If you pretend it's cold outside it kind of feels like home.' We both laughed at the idea of missing cold rain but none the less found some twisted comfort in it.

In the Czech Republic it happened when I walked in to a hockey arena. The smell of sweaty hockey players mixed with the cold, the puck hitting the boards, the sticks and the skates cutting in to the ice. This felt like home. If it wasn't for the fact that they strictly played songs that were popular at least a decade ago and made announcements in a language I couldn't understand, it really could have been home.

But for the first time I didn't need someone to translate for me. I could watch the ref making crazy hand gestures and understand, I didn't need anyone and it was like being given my independence back.

The thing is about travelling on your own, is that while you have to be independent to do so you also have to have a certain level of dependence on others. Whether it be trusting the information they give you, following advice on directions or simply trying to communicate with others. When your language and their language aren't the same there is a certain loss of independence required of you.

A prime example of this happened to me last year when I woke up with one of my eyes stuck closed. Something I hadn't realized could happen until then. Eventually slightly creeped out and still disoriented from sleep I walked to the bathroom pirate style, one eye closed against my will to check out the offending eye. With a hot facecloth I washed my face and discovered I looked like a stoned demon. Definitely not my best look.

I did a quick assessment of the situation: eye doesn't hurt (that must be a good sign, right?), look evil (though may be useful), other eye looks normal. Can't be anything too exciting, I decided and headed to work. Makeup seemed like a bad idea, an appealing one, but a bad one no less, so I pulled on a hat and kept my head down, trying not to freak out the other people on the bus. 

When I got to work I quickly cornered Lisa.

'Look at my eye!!! How freaky is it? Is it super noticeable?' Apparently more concerned with the vanity of the situation than any possible ramifications.

'Um, it's pretty bad.' She said diplomatically. In all honesty, I looked like I had been up on a 5 day killing spree. 

'What do you think it is??' 5 years my senior, I expect Lisa to have answers to all my questions like a child asking an adult. I figured I may have rubbed something in it while I was sleeping, but she looked at me and replied thoughtfully, 

'Well, it may be conjunctivitis.'

I paused not knowing what that meant. Something about things ending in -itis sounds so serious. Like Gingivitis and all those pictures they use to scare you at the dentist, as if you forget to brush your teeth one night before bed and an army of bacteria will march through your mouth pillaging what they can beyond recognition. I have seen homeless people with better teeth than they display in some of those photos.

'What the shit is conjunctivitis?!' I asked.

 

'Um, it's nothing really. Just an eye infection.' Well that much was clear, but then it dawned on me.

'Wait. What? Like pink eye??? I have PINK EYE? How did I get it?' I asked, assigning her as my temporary doctor.

'I don't know much about it to be honest. Why don't you just see how it is at lunch.' I nodded and briefly considered making an eye patch but didn't have enough time.

When I walked in to my classroom a hush fell across the room and two of my kids just stood there staring at me, mouths gaping open. Well whatever it was, it was definitely a valuable intimidation tool with the kids, I thought with pleasure. 

I wasn't able to exercise this newly found skill for long, as news of my demon eye quickly spread to my boss who rushed me off to an eye doctor, where they shone bright lights in my eyes and then announced in Czech that something was wrong with me.

Now see here's the fun thing with ESL: unless they are studying to be a doctor, people rarely know ailments, they can tell you about their weekend and their favourite food but ask them why you woke up looking like you are among the living dead and they will talk amongst themselves and turn to you with an apologetic shrug.

It was decided that whatever was wrong with me was enough to send me home for bed rest for the remainder of the week. So i took the medicine that was given to me and sat around googling my condition, which after some research I identified as Pink Eye brought on by a child sneezing on my face the day before. Yum.

So if you are looking for a bit of independence when you are abroad watch sports and if you are looking to feel totally helpless go to the doctor.

some of my homies...

Sometimes I find it really bizarre that my two lives are so separate, there is me at home with my family and old friends, high heels and perfume, walks along the ocean and reading at coffee shops and then there is me abroad with friends who become best friends within days, broken shoes (damn you impractical cobblestones) and cheap perfume, aimless wandering through new cities and long hours spent at pubs with a mix of nationalities that would impress the UN.

Yet the two rarely merge, every now and again a friend from home will come and travel with me and it's only then that I feel that they really get a chance to fully understand me, to see me in my element, natural and vulnerable like you would never be at home.

So upon this reflection I decided that I should write a quick bio of the people who are the most involved in my Czech life this year. People that through photos and stories you probably feel like you already know something about. It feels important to somehow document them since for most of you they will never be more than a face and a name.

So here's some fun anecdotes about them:

Laura is from Boston, USA. She loves cats, like in a weird cat lady way, viral cat videos (shocker), robes and nighties. She also inexplicably loves the UK and would like to marry a British man, preferably with a beard and a cat. Contrary to the crazy middle aged woman you are probably envisioning she is actually a young, fashionable woman who hides her crazy well. She's kind of like a female Chandler, she's awkward, funny and lovely all at the same time.

Whitney is from Rhode Island, USA. She's ginger, loves to sing and takes a really long time to get to the point when telling stories. She often makes rash decisions (like say, getting two kittens from a woman at the museum or buying a violin that she doesn't know how to play) but she is also one of the bravest people I know and she genuinely likes meeting new people (she may or may not have given her phone number to bus drivers - note the use of the plural - and Mormons peddling religion on the street). She is essentially Giselle from the film 'Enchanted', she is sweet to the point of naivety, in a wholesome 'people really are lovely' kind of way.

Lisa is from somewhere in or around Birmingham, UK. (Like when I say I am from Vancouver because no one knows where Victoria is.) She doesn't have a Brummie accent though (thankfully). She loves tea (obviously, I mean she is British) and curry (again, seriously stereotyping her culinary interests based on her nationality, but if the shoe fits...) She has hidden talents like playing the piano and she can name every country in the world. She is funny when you least expect it and loves owls (not like Laura loves cats though...) And can also speak more Czech than she lets on...

Gabi, is from Jablonec, CZ, which is the next city over. She loves hockey and beer (hence why we get on so well) and plays a sport called 'Florbal' (essentially floor hockey) which she is quite good at. She is cute and sweet and seemingly innocent, but get a couple of pints in her and she has a very sick sense of humour, which I adore. She is drop dead gorgeous and doesn't know it which of course just makes her more lovely (as if that was possible) and is engaged to Jirka, whom I refer to as Tom Cruise because of his similar profile (not because of a fall from epic to kinda creepy). Jirka is wildly inappropriate a lot of the time and has the funniest English, which actually improves when he drinks. He told me he learnt some of his vocab from porn (at least he's honest I suppose) and at times has shocked me to the point where I've spat beer out, which if you know me well, you know is a feat in itself.

Lani is from North Carolina, USA. She also loves hockey and beer, in fact she is even still playing hockey and has her gear over here which deserves respect, hockey bags are big and heavy. She loves to bake cakes, especially when stressed, and also shares my passion for bacon, even though she's Jewish (which she is clearly not very good at). She's super smart and has amazing curly hair and she calls toques, toboggans, apparently that's a thing where she is from, but who am I to judge, I thought everyone called them toques until I left Canada.

Suzanne is from Iowa, USA, because apparently everybody in the Czech Republic is American...(seriously, there are so many of them here.) We met randomly at a cabin in the mountains (which sounds super dodgy but isn't, I promise) during my first days here. Suzanne introduced me to Strahov Monastic Brewery, the Lennon Wall, Bohemian Bagel, langoš and trdelník, and together we discovered Beer Cheese, one of the BEST inventions ever. She loves coffee (which we drank lots of in Turkey when we travelled there together last spring) and is just a genuinely lovely person. We refer to each other as Habibi (Arabic for 'my beloved'), a word taught to us by an old Saudi Arabian man at our guesthouse in Istanbul, while he was trying to seduce Suzanne in to becoming his 4th (and final) wife. Legit, it happened and I didn't try to stop it at all, in fact if you listen to her version of the story I was encouraging it...but why would you believe her, right?

While these are definitely not ALL of the people who have had important roles in my Czech life, they are a sampling and honestly I am just too tired to finish...so maybe this will just have to be Part 1...

Photo left to right: Gabi, Lani, Whitney and Laura