Useless Skills

There comes a time for every traveller when you start priding yourself on a skill recently attained while on the road. Most of these skills don't apply to regular everyday life (like saving friends from being traded for camels) while some are completely and utterly useless (like my ability perfected while in SE Asia to text while on the back of a moving motorcycle). But I never really thought I would be proud of my ability to use a squat, let alone a hole-in-the-ground-outhouse-with-no-light-squat. But when you have little else to do in rural Africa there is ample time to perfect your useless skills. And so it began. Soon I become rather proud of my newly acquired gift to squat without bracing myself against a wall/door/goat/anything within reach, my uncanny ability to aim without peeing on my own feet and of course my ability to then stand unassissted afterwards without falling or stepping in to said hole. Ah yes, I was quite proud of myself, but alas as every childhood story with a good moral will tell you, don't get too cocky and try your new skill in the dark, because you may or may not accidentally poop beside, rather than in, said hole. And well, as you can imagine, that's embarrassing for everyone involved.