'Can you hear the vampires?' He called to me casually.
I was sitting in my room, right off the dining room, reading. But this made me stop.
'What!?' I asked as I stood and walked out of my room.
'Listen, you can hear the vampires.'
His face was deadpan so I knew something had to be amiss, my first thought was that if he could hear vampires that we really ought to close the windows and grab some garlic.
'Vampires?' I asked, hoping that my tone would convey equal parts humor and horror at the prospect of vampires vocalizing themselves outside our window.
He nodded, so I listened. Tilting my head towards the open window I stayed quiet until I heard the screech.
'Oh! BATS!' I exclaimed, Filip nodded like that's what he had been saying all along.
This is my entertainment, just as I know Czechs find my inability to speak their language comical, which is discernible every time I attempt it, the minor slips of words in otherwise coherent English sentences is my simple pleasure.
One of my favourite parts of speaking to people for whom English is not their first language are the translations. It's not even that the sentences or words are necessarily incorrect, it's just not the first word you would use if it was your first language. Like how my boss, in her late 50's refers to her dad as her 'daddy', a term generally only used when you by small children or when you want something.
Last year one of the children at the kindergarten, David, had a cut on his lip. When I asked him what had happened. He stopped and thought about it and then replied,
'It's opar.'
I looked to Petra the Czech teacher for help. She thought about it for a moment
'It's like a cut, but not...'
Unable to explain it further she grabbed the Czech-English dictionary and looked it up.
'Herpes.' She stated matter of factly.
'Herpes. It's a Herpes.' David repeated in a sing song tone, happy to have learnt another word.
I burst out laughing, trying hard to compose myself.
'No, no, no....well, technically yes, but no... Cold Sore. It's a Cold Sore.' A six year old proudly announcing that he had herpes, I thought shaking my head, dear Lord I hoped he didn't go home saying that to his mother.
Well herpes is the correct medical term it's not exactly something you would run around broadcasting if you were a native speaker, if you know what I mean.
Last year my roommate, Jana, and I were on a walk in the mountains just outside of Liberec, as we wandered through the woods, I wondered if there were any large animals in the Czech Republic and more specifically these very woods. Where I come from the idea of a cougar pouncing out to taste you isn't entirely implausible, so I figured I should ask for good measure.
Jana responded, 'Pork, before it's pork.'
Well luckily it's before it's pork, it would be awfully frightening to be taken down by a rack of ribs or an army of bacon. Of course you don't say that, so I just smiled and suggested,
"Pig?"
"Yes! Pig!" She confirmed, laughing. Jana speaks English very well, the comment was made because of a momentary lapse in memory not because she knew the word pork and not pig, although knowing the Czech diet that wouldn't entirely surprise me.
She warned me that while that didn't sound overly threatening, that the wild pigs were in fact rather aggressive and not something we would like to encounter. Indicating with her fingers that they had small tusks. Apparently due to zealous poaching, large predators such as bears, wolves and lynx have disappeared from the Czech forests. And so we are left to roam amongst the vampires and wild pork.
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