Poo Detective...

I admit: I have one of the best jobs in the world. What other job allows you to spend the majority of your time colouring, dancing, laughing and playing?

When I arrive to my classes in the morning there is a small stampede of 2-4 year olds yelling my name and throwing themselves at my legs. Crouching down to greet them is a health hazard and not recommended for those who would like to escape unscathed.

I am pretty sure no one else gets a greeting that epic when they arrive at their workplace. Unless of course they work with dogs or monkeys, which I assume would be comparable.

If I am away for a few days, they miss me, well, sometimes I think the younger ones actually forget who I am, but the older ones, they miss me.

Working with children makes you realize how guileless we started out. They don't pretend to like you if they don't, they don't pretend to listen if they're not, if you suggest something that they don't want to do they'll just say 'no'. They are also completely unashamed, they'll pick their nose in front of you, tell you exactly what they are going to do in the bathroom and break wind during a conversation without so much as a blink. Somewhere along the line as we grow up these things become (thankfully) inappropriate.

But, they are not all sunshine and lollipops.

Enter, the poo detective.

What is a poo detective one may ask. Well, let me clarify. Sometimes when you are doing said colouring, you catch a whiff of something, it's faint and unpleasant, but unmistakable. Realization dawns on you and now you must identify the perpetrator. But which child is it? And how do you figure it out?

Well, you have to smell it out. This consists of feigning interest in a child's artwork as you casually smell them for clues. Once you discover the culprit, you have to wait a moment and then smell again, because at this point you may just be a flatulence detective. And if there is one thing that is worse than being a poo detective it's realizing that you are intentionally inhaling someone else's fart.

Children are usually pretty good at potty training after 2 1/2 years, which is around when they start at preschool, but every now and again if they are stressed out or overly excited - say when it snows - there are calamities.

The worse case yet ended up with some in his hair.

How?!?

So when people tell me they are so jealous of my job and wish they could be a kindergarten teacher, I just smile, because they clearly don't know the half of it.